The Sense of Community

 

The Amazing Chhaya Aunty

 

We spoke very little. Only recently, during the Ganesh Chaturthi did we strike up a conversation on how little of the treasure of beautiful Hindu Mythological stories is known these days. I had requested her to let me make videos of her telling/ reading out to us those stories. She was slightly embarrassed and suggested the kids whom she tries to teach should also be there. We were very keen on it… a kids’ show on youtube just like they used to have earlier on DD…

Somehow the show did not happen. What happened instead, day before yesterday the family learned of her cancer relapsing and early morning yesterday (‘brahma- mahurat’, signifies the most auspicious time for the most pious souls to depart) she passed away of a massive heart attack.

Not just her family, she was a strong pillar of support for the building’s society… Nurturing the community, always.

Grace personified, the way she carried herself in sari and made every occasion on the premises special…

Hope we derive strength from the memories of her persona.

Fears, Family and Faith

The family at Tai Pak, Hong Kong, 1985.

“Aadmi ka dharm hai sukhi rahna”, said our family Doctor once… And another one, had said, “Happiness is relative”… They tried. My parents also tried really hard to give a good life and upbringing to their kids. But do they seem ecstatic, here? We had money but did we have happiness? Life happens to us according to our core-beliefs, they say... In my childhood, I schooled myself all the negative messages about having money… subconsciously, I gathered that other people, even those from similar background did not like us enjoying… I guess, that must be true for many sensitive people. Only, now, we are learning that it was my own expectation and fears that made me feel guilty about even existing… But the inner voice kept giving hope…

The other point was that people were after getting what we had… They were ready to be violent at the slightest opportunity… I wanted nothing to do with such responsibilities, although, I felt extremely fortunate about having such blessings as my family… Yes, I appreciated the money when my family and I were sick and needed treatments… I knew, money was good for that. I often thought to myself, that we would have preferred to have our father with us rather than the wealth he left us… after so much hard-work and suffering burnout, which in any case, got criminally squandered because, someone got jealous of my little brother’s inheritance…

Yes, happiness is relative (and even though relatives can exert a lot of emotional violence- wink, wink) it is our duty to be happy… Let’s remind ourselves from time-to-time, what someone has beautifully put, “These mountains that you are carrying on your backs, you were only supposed to climb them”.

Learning now, to have faith, to allow people to show their good side… to be conscious of our breathing and allow things to happen… We have come here to accept and love ourselves… Thank you for reading. Wishing everyone, lots of love & luck.

Faith, Films and Feelings

Picture Courtesy: Kumar Gaurav, one of Vivek's precious colleagues.

This beautiful picture reminds me so much of the time when we had rushed to the wave cinemas in Lucknow, back in 2009 to watch my brother’s first film with his name in end credits as ‘Director’s Assistant’. The date was 5^th of Feb. It was Madhurita Anand’s Directorial debut, Randeep Hooda, Arbaz Khan and Raima Sen starrer “Mere Khwabon Mein Jo Aaye”.

There were five of us- Mridula Ma’am, my cousin’s wife Vineeta Bhabhi, Deora Aunty, Mommy and I. Looking back, I feel so thankful to God that I had learned driving again after years of being afraid and was able to drive everyone for this treat. Ofcourse, our anxious and fragile mother could not climb more than 5 steps in the auditorium. So she sat in the nearest row with Vineeta bhabhi.

I went up and sat in the designated seats with my teacher and aunty. I cannot begin to describe what my mother must have felt! But I shall give it a try... Her son’s first feature film since he started working in 2002... She must have also thought of our own cinema hall we once had... Had Papa been there, things would have been very different... But those are my views. Seriously, she was mostly filled with gratitude towards the end.

At some point in the movie, I ran down to tell her to keep a lookout, as our Guddu will appear on the screen any moment now, as the music jam scene was about to begin as shown in the trailers. And thankfully, Vivek made a friendly appearance!

The day she had passed away back in 2009, I was angry at her for ‘not 

waiting for another two-three years to see us get really successful, receive awards’ and said as much to an aunty. Today, I realize, she left, so that we would not suffer due to her failing health. Another thing I realized is that becoming hugely successful, especially, in this industry is not that easy... Also, in order to maintain your confidence in the interim one needs to have a lot of faith. Her faith on the other hand, was generally very strong in those days. At one point she had declared “Hum haThaat se chale jaayenge ek din”/ ‘I’d leave suddenly, one day’... Yes, “haThaat” is Bengali, pronounced “HoThaat”, and my mother had adapted a lot of Bengali things in her Hindi manner, including ‘panch-phoran bhindi’. She was very adorable that way and like Mridula Ma’am had pointed out one day, after a few meetings with her how she likes that my mother is generally happy... But I digress. The other Bengali thing she was fast to adopt were superstitions like not getting clothes washed on Thursdays. She was extremely passionate about that one. Tuesdays and Saturdays were added by other influences and were quite flexible with a little comparative analysis to the western lifestyle and some ‘zaroorat hai’ persuasion. To the latter she mostly replied, “Itne kapRe hain tumlogon ke paas almaari mein, tumko yahi pahenna hai?”/ ‘you all have so many clothes in the almirah, you have to wear these only?’

Anyway, the journey since after mommy has been long. Vivek has worked hard and at high positions in production department as well. Now he is making his way back into direction. A couple of days ago, bhai and I laughed over the phone, like we have not laughed in ages. I count my blessings for such special moments.  

And I suspect, because of my mother's love surrounding us, we have thankfully remained safe. I am reminded of her presence whenever we are happy. 

“Khajoor Pe Atke”, written & directed by much loved actor Harsh Chhaya, releases on the 18^th of May. Vivek has worked on it as 1st Assistant Director. I have heard great things about the scriptJ It is a movie that our little nephews and nieces can watch too. Best Wishes to us all!

song

Aao na dekha,song, Khajoor pe Atke

trailer

Khajoor Pe Atke official trailer

Some things are beyond us

It’s just a little overwhelming, I tell you... three deaths in a spate of 4 months. Although, I wasn’t really attached to my relatives who passed away, it’s still disconcerting. On my Birthday, on Jan 28^th, my brother was on the way back from a funeral in Calcutta, that of my second paternal Aunt. Granted that she was old and suffering from ailments just like the others that went after her, she actually (physically) missed attending her grandson’s wedding slated to happen three weeks later.

Among us, the first card is sent to Lord Ganesha. Once his emblem is imprinted, the wedding cannot be postponed. And as it so happens, these days, weddings are handed over to the planners. So everything was going on as per plan. Okay, and during this wedding, on the ladies sangeet, just before the ring ceremony, another aunt’s husband, my phupha ji suffered a heart attack in front of us. He was taken to the hospital where he passed away. The death was kept under wraps as the wedding muhurat is sacred and the next day was the wedding. That happened somehow. Everyone got dressed and attended. The body was cremated the next day, as the wedding guests dispersed. The last rites were held at the deceased’s house in another town.

We had gone to Calcutta after a long time to attend this wedding and I had taken a cotton nighty for my ‘nanDhi Amma’ (younger amma, as in, my grandma was ‘amma’). She was happy. I hope she wore it. Her daughter, Rita di asked her to put her hand on me as I knelt down near her bed and give me blessings. She was my ‘taayi ji’, my father’s elder brother’s wife. She passed away three days ago. Today, was the ‘pagRi rasm’ at a Gurudwaara, a prayer- meet.

May the deceased rest in peace. 

My brother is there in Calcutta, as are probably most of our relatives. It is also Vivek’s Birthday today. God bless us all.

Aamchi Mumbai- My Home

A candid pic of my city, taken from inside an auto-rickshaw.

For a couple of times when I saw posters such as this one, I thought, "bahut himmat hai is bihaari ko, ekdum blatantly bhojpuri mein daaru-soda ka ad kar raha hai!"/ This Bihari man seems to have lots of guts to make such a blatant ad in Bhojpuri, selling Alcohol and Soda (soda-water)... It took me a  while to understand that the poster is in fact in Marathi, about 'leaving' alcohol, about de-addiction :D

How to Order Your Wedding Cake

I was asked to write a 'How To' article (based on research material) by an online publishing house, and this is what got created.

“Wolf, Peter Wolfe is my husband’s name.

I was brought up in the U.S.A. My family had migrated during World War II. A German couple helped my young Jewish parents to flee from the clutches of The Third Reich. I was born on a big American Carrier in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Time and distance had not come between their friendship. I was brought up to believe I would be married to Wolf. As a young girl, I was petrified. I loved my parents and understood what their feelings of gratitude were, but the idea of giving their daughter to the wolf! I somehow could not be comfortable with that.

As a result whenever I saw wedding cakes, I would imagine, on top of my wedding cake, the bride and the wolf!

When I was old enough, they showed me a picture of “ my wolf”. He was such a dish! I could not believe it. We started writing to each other, became friends and eventually decided to honor both our parents’ wishes. He agreed to live with me here. The day was decided. He came with his parents and we got married. And this honey, is the cake my Father baked in his Bakery for my wedding”, said Mrs. Wolf pointing towards the classic photograph on the wall. The three-tier cake had the Bride and the Wolf!

I had gotten Mrs. Wolfe’s reference through a colleague at work. I really did not know him that much, he just happened to pass by when I asked my close friend Betty about which Bakery to book for my cake. We had decided to get married exactly three months hence. John said, “I could not help overhearing, may I suggest “Jewish Bakery” at Eleventh Street? It is very special. She will give you all the trimmings you want and suggest something better keeping your style in mind. You must book your cake as soon as possible. Bakers generally take 4 to 6 months’ booking. Give my reference to the owner Mrs. Wolfe. She might be able to do something for you. Well, all the best”.

Mrs. Wolfe showed me the big album containing the best of her previous work. She explained how the trends keep changing. “Actually, the cake should be the culmination of the rest of the décor, the theme of your wedding.

“If you were having an outdoor wedding I would have suggested something like this icing décor. Look at the basket weave and the fresh floral pattern. Perfect for a Spring/ Summer wedding.

“Since your wedding is in Fall, how about this square one, with sugared fruit and Autumn leaves?

“These are especially made for winter weddings”, said Mrs. Wolfe as she showed me some beautiful cakes that had edible snowflakes and pinecones.

“ Like I said dear, the trends keep changing. Nowadays, people have started going back to the traditional three tier cakes…” Even before she had finished I said, “Yes, actually I want the one you had, but without the wolf”.

We both laughed. Mrs. Wolfe asked, “What flavor do you want dear? Why don’t you sample some of these pastries and tell me which one you like the best. You can also have three different flavors for the three tiers.”

Mrs. Wolfe was still smiling even as she wrote in her order book, ‘…smooth butter cream, lacework icing, silver base…’ while I admired the photograph of her wedding cake.

The cake was something our guests absolutely loved. It added to the splendor of the Evening. When Steve and I exchanged our vows, my colleague John Wolfe and his mother were there as special guests. I had the hall set up in old classic style too so all of it looked very ethereal. Three of my friends who got married since,  have gone to the Jewish Bakery.

Sindhi with Tamilian-Hindi and Bengali-Hindi

अजु माइय खे चयो मांस, “तुमको पूछना भूल गया, माशी, वह गरम पानी पीयेगा, अदरक वाला...” गैस सफा करे पयी, वात में परोठो बाक़ी हुयुस, चबायेंदे-चबायेंदे, मत्थो खबे-सजे पासे हिलायेंदे-हिलायेंदे चयें, “उम्हुम”... माँजी खिल्ल् निक्री वयी... माँ चयो माँस, “अच्छा हुआ, भईया के सामने नहीं पूछा!” त थोड़ी देर पो, कमरे में बोहारी पायेंदे, एक्सप्लेन करण लगी कि, “मैं पहला मटन-बिटन भी नहीं कायेगा, बच्चा को देखेगा न, सब बाहर में रकेगा, मेरा मम्मी बोलता, ‘यह अलग हो जायेगा, अलग हो जायेगा’, बोत गुस्सा करता, अभी मैं, गरम-गरम रहेगा तो तोड़ा मटन का लेगा, बस... तुम आच्छा देता है, वो मैं का लेगा न, बस, हो जायेगा|”

थोड़ी देर में माँ बुद्हायो माँस, “भईया को भी पसन्द नहीं है न, अदरक वाला पानी, मैं जबर्दस्ती पिलाता हूँ...”

पो पोछो लगायेंदे, दीवार साँ टिकी करे खिल्ली पयी, “ओह, इसके लिये!”

माँ चयो माँस, “सब लोग बोलता है ना चाय नहीं पीना चाहिये, इसके लिये”...

त चये ती, “नहीं अच्चा हे, अदरक का पानी अच्चा हे...”

माँ चयो माँस, “हाँ, सर्दी में तो आच्छा है ही, ना...|” (गुड़, अदरक और कुटी हुई काली-मिर्च वाला गरम पानी)

आहे साउथ-इंडीयन, तमिलियन, लेकिन मम्मी वारी बंगाली-हिन्दी समझी वेन्दी आ... खायण लाय कुछ ज्याँस त पुछ्दी आ, “क्या?” माँ एक्सप्लेन कयाँस त पसन्द वारी शै हुजेस, त झट चय्न्दी आ “कुच्छ बी दे-दे ना चलेगा, तुम अच्चा देते मेरको”... न त चयेंदी, “नहीं आज मेरा अच्चा नहीं हे/ नहीं, माँ, आज का के आया, नयी तो मैं बोलता तुमको”