From near Liluah, West Bengal to Lille, France

This is about the time when ‘gay’ just meant happy… Gay Hotel at Princep Jetty or ‘babu ghat’ was a favourite joint frequented by my family. They had the best big ‘samosa’s and my mom’s favourite, tutti-fruity ice-cream. But more than that, my joint-family had begun considering it an auspicious place for ‘showing’ girls. As was the custom in those days, families of prospective groom and bride would meet up at the bride’s place and decide whether or not they would like to enter into holy matrimony.

My family decided to do matchmaking at a neutral and a very pleasant setting. All the matches that were brought to ‘Gay Hotel’ had surely gotten fixed… regardless of how the concerned parties felt later :D The goal was marriage! Anyway, one of those matches was that of my maternal aunt’s (Shobha ‘Maasi’s)… the one who died just after 4 months from my mother’s passing away. Please do not shed your tears just yet, she’d laugh it off ;)

Mommy & Maasi

So, we are ‘goThaaNa’ or the village people from Sindh. My MaasaR’s (maternal aunt’s husband) mother was ‘shahri’/ urban… highly cultured. And my ‘Maasi’ was somewhat of a rebel and misfit even in her own family. So this girl from Kanpur goes into a highly cultured family in KanchrapaRa, a suburb near Calcutta; an old, large and reputed house with a small orchard and cowshed. And they were more Bengali than Sindhi! They get two brothers married at the same ‘manDap’. The other bride is from Moradabad.

Little Vivek with my camera-shy MaasaR.

Now, imagine, one morning at the dining table, when the guests have left and the new brides sit with mother-in-law and sisters-in-law, having hot cups of tea. The younger brother’s wife asks, ‘what does, ‘aami tomaake bhaalobaashi’ mean?’ (Bengali for ‘I love you’) Apparently that’s what her husband had said to her the night before… When the sisters-in-law, not yet married explained, naughtily, what their brother must have meant, the older bride, my ‘maasi’ bursts out laughing so hard… and ends up spraying tea on her mother-in-law!

MaasaR and Maasi

So, that's my ‘maasi’ for you, who woke up at 4 in the morning and washed clothes, even in her mother’s house… and was open to learning non-veg cooking for her in-laws… She used to call me ‘Dolchi’ with love… and ‘kheer’ (Sindhi for milk) was ‘doodh’, because her father-in-law’s name was Sri Kherajmal… and hence, ‘kheera’ (cucumber) also was ‘vango’ for her and her in-laws… which my younger maternal uncle (Bittu Mama) did not know…

What happened was, Bittu Mama was bringing her and her younger kid, Tarun from KachrapaRa to Kanpur for a vacation. When the train stopped at a station and a vendor brought something to sell, waking Bittu mama (quite young at the time), he shushed him away, while on the other hand, his sister from the upper berth, diagonal to him, kept saying, ‘vango waThi Des, vango waThi Des, hina khe’/ ‘get the cucumber, get the cucumber, for him’! They had quite a showdown as to why she was disturbing him when he was driving the pesky vendor away; and why he was sending him away when she wanted him to buy the very same thing in the first place! :D

MaasaR and Maasi with little Mita & Tarun

Kudos to the faith of a mother; her undying passion and her love for her young ones… Today her daughter and her son are both making her so proud. Maasi left for the heavenly abode in 2009 but her inimitable laughter stays with us… yes, you could make out, even in her quiet smile, she was laughing at you, at your stick-in-the-mudness, all the time :D No, it’s not her anniversary, birthday or anything, I just had to gift this to my cousins for all that they have overcome! My MaasaR is an epitome of sacrifice, who more-or-less brought up his younger siblings and their children, and has been kindest to us when we needed it… He has just shifted to a more manageable place in Kolkata… We wish him good health so that he may enjoy the fruits of his labour now… Cousin, Mita is a mother to a little girl, lives in her joint-family at Indore and is partial to cats and last but not the least, Tarun who is into Environmental Sciences and has just begun his Fellowship at Lilles, France! Here’s wishing him luck for his career:) Do keep us posted, bhai:)

“It’s all Relative”- like in the game by Ross in Friends.

 I just became maasi-daadiJ , a grandmother, so to speak…

Yes, my cousin’s son just had a child (I mean his wife of course :D). My cousin (Papa’s elder brother’s/ Baba's daughter) still looks very young and pretty. Here’s Shobha didi on the slide at Ajanta Apartments, back in CalcuttaJ And that’s my elder sister Barkha, behind herJ

Photo may have been clicked by Papa. This park in the building is where Papa left me once in the care of two older girls, Preeti di and Gala di, perhaps the older bhaiyas would remember ;) So, Papa had taken me along because I really wanted to go and he could not really take me along because I would have surely fallen ill after the walk. So, he asked the girls to keep me with them until he came back from the walk. The girls were nice enough to me… but thereafter, I did not press my father to take me along or for any other thing, ever. An innocent gesture and definitely a wise decision on his part, but I took it otherwise. It has taken a lifetime for my family to convince me that I am in fact ‘wanted’. (‘Love you’s are mandatory at the end of phone conversations!) Such a double-edged sword, parenthood… especially when we actually come with our own preconceived notions and inclinations to believe the negative… Well, one can only do what one feels is right… and remind oneself to feel better, in the moment, as that will attract more such experience… (Please refer to the Law of Attraction by Abraham Hicks)… Thankfully we have the key, somewhat…

Photo of Kailash bhaiya (Baba’s eldest son) clicked two years ago by my little niece Diva (when she was 5yrs)… On my will to remain independent and thereby detached (they should not teach about Buddha in class II), Kailash bhaiya  had once said, “There is, dependence, independence and inter-dependence…” Yes, I like life better with my people around me, for sure. Life (read happiness) is much too precious to be dependent on something or someone but sure is nicer when you can share it with people.

This photo was taken when Shobha didi came visiting with her kids, right after Ajay bhaiya’s and Anil bhaiya’s wedding… On the left is Manisha bhabhi (the latter’s wife), the oil painting is by Barkha, Amma (my Taaii ji/ father’s elder brother’s wife), Shobha di, with little Juhi teased by her ‘Karan bhaiya’ (real sweet chap, the one who has just had a babyJ) and my mother.

Here’s Mommy with Anil bhaiya (Baba’s youngest and sweetest son; you have to see him dance at a family wedding!) and me. Yes, at that point I used to walk like her bodyguard, if and when she ever ventured out! :D Mommy’s wearing the same sari as with Addi (my paternal aunt, in blog before this)... Very likely, Anil bhaiya must have brought Addi over on her visit to Calcutta. Baba’s (my Tau ji’s) bungalow smells like cardamom. It has been ages… I really should go visit soonJ